Where Yah Been, Bitch?

 

It's been a ding dang minute.

I was thinking about this blog recently and wasn't sure if I would just leave it to sit in the ether or if I would write again, or just delete it all-together. To be honest, I was leaning toward delete.

Then on a whim today I deleted instagram and tik tok (I'm sorry- I know I'm "too old"for it but I really do love it) and for some reason I just wanted to write in my blog- to get back to documenting this hum-drum life of mine.

Lately I've been trying to connect with myself a little more- to re-establish some independence that I may have lost in the warm and secure nest of being with another person for over 10 years. No, we aren't breaking up- let's just call it an "I-turned-29-last-week-and-had-a-realization-that-I-don't-do-nearly-enough-of-the-things-I-actually-want-to-do" epiphany. I hated going for walks alone because I felt strange just heading out my door without going for a jog or at least having a final destination in mind. I have all of these ideas for what I want to do to our house and never end up doing them because I've convinced myself that I just can't. 29 is the year I'm saying to hell with that. I've been walking every day and I bought some black paint and painted the wall behind our bed black (don't worry- I'll write a blog post about it). I'm taking an online course on indigenous studies and even one on the science of happiness. I'm reading and learning about vegetarianism (yup, I'm a proud af vegetarian now) and anti-racism. These things make me feel happy- much happier than scrolling through instagram (even though I truly do get great ideas for interior decorating, or learn about minimalism, and vegetarianism, and being eco-friendly) or tik tok (even though it's just freaking fun to watch). 

2020 has been a literal shit show but I've also learned a lot this year. I actually found quite a bit of joi de vivre inside of quarantine, through going for walks and having free time and just enjoying simple, simple things. I'm grasping on to that more and more now that I'm back in the office and life is starting to seem more normal. 

I used to hear people say they were working on themselves and think it was such a strange idea- like how does one work on themselves? Just change the way you act- duh. But as I'm stumbling further and further into adulthood I'm realizing that I spend a hell of a lot of time working on myself and it's freaking hard to change and be better but I'm working on it. I'm going to therapy, and I'm reading and I'm reflecting on things and it's cool and awful and enlightening all at once. 

All of this to say- I'm working on being one of those people that I always wanted to be. I'm going to nourish myself with hobbies and interests and experiences. I'm going to create and learn and take in new information and experiences. So I'll be here. I still have my annual book review to complete (9 months too late but hey!). 

Hope you follow along and enjoy this new journey!

From the desk of:

Taylor Brown
The Comeback Kid