Thursday, December 3, 2020

Tiny, Beautiful Things

 It's been a year of loss- to say the least.

We've lost some of our freedom, our security, people have lost jobs and worst of all, people have lost people. 

I'd very much like to stop living through historical events thankyouverymuch.

It's easy to sit and dwell on all these things but when I do that it makes me want to fill up my glass with wine and not stop filling it up until I forget all the things this year has taken from us. 

But I want to think a different way. This year has also given me a lot (a privileged point of view) but I think if we all took a second to think, we might see some things we've gained as well.

I'll go first:

- I gained the ability to work from home. I wanted to work from home so badly before the pandemic and it just didn't seem like a possibility. Then all of a sudden we all worked from home and somehow it worked. I've spent many days typing away in my pyjamas, happily moseying over to the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee and stopping by to pet Pete on the way. It's a calmer and cozier life than my one before and it feels good.

- I took up walking alone. Seems like a simple thing, right? Before the pandemic I felt like a bit of a nut going for a walk. I don't have a dog so I felt like someone aimlessly wandering the streets. Then I threw that limiting belief out the window and just left the house. I've walked almost every inch of town. I found a favourite route and listened to audio books and podcasts. I've stopped and took a giant whiff of forested air or paused to watch the leaves as the wind shook them from trees. I took photos of the simple beauties I saw like blooming trees, sun flares, and paths littered orange with leaves. I felt a lot more peace and gratitude.



- I had time to learn new things. Along with everyone else on the planet I learned to make rye bread. I learned how to make an amazing margarita. I tried baking tarts. We bought a bread maker and are experimenting with different recipes. I'm learning the piano. I've wanted to learn an instrument all my life- and dabbled as a kid but I've never tried again as an adult. Something made me feel like it was too late. This year I said screw it and asked to borrow my sister's keyboard. Now I'm taking lessons I find on youtube and just enjoying messing around.




- I established a morning routine. Oye. This one makes me feel like some instagram influencer who is about to tell you about running 7k before eating oatmeal and then doing her 50 step beauty routine but honestly, it's not that complicated. I found what works for me. I drink a big glass of water and then I stretch. I write 5 things I'm grateful for in a journal. The things I write are not big, obvious things like Jordan, or being healthy or having a roof over our head. They're small, insignificant things that I take time to notice each day. This way I'm always on the lookout for tiny, beautiful things in my everyday life, like how last week we got a bread maker and I woke up to the smell of bread, or how when you pickup the dish soap tiny bubbles pop out and dance around. Simple, beautiful, wonderful things. That's it. That's my morning routine and I love it. I used to meditate too but I realized I didn't like it. I'm trying out affirmations in the mirror right now and am still unsure how I feel about that. Try your own routines. Try your own acts of self-love. It really does a mind good!

- I'm knitting again. I haven't knit in a couple years and it feels so good to get back to it, to do something creative and work with my hands instead of letting them scroll through a screen.

- We've gotten super into hiking. This has truly been my greatest joy to come out of quarantine. Every weekend lately we've found a trail nearby, woken up early and gotten out to it. I can't describe how much happiness it brings me to be outside, to be away from screens and electronics, to move my body and to feel the calm and beauty of nature. It's opened our minds for more camping trips and winter hiking possibilities and now I'm dreaming of a day someday when we can have a cabin of our own and be in nature all the time!






This year has taken things from us in many different ways. We've lost the opportunity to connect with so many people, to see them, to hug them. We cancelled our dream, bucket list trip to Japan in March. We have faced uncertainty about so many things in the future. We've also been given so much this year. We bought a new house that we love and are so happy in. We've spent more time with our families than ever before. We've spent more time together doing new things and more time in nature. We've gotten as much as we have had taken.

I'm sure if you think too there's a lot that may have come from this year to you as well. 

From the Desk of:

Taylor Brown
2020 Survivor



Wednesday, December 2, 2020

Life Lately


 

It's basically lock down time again y'all!

Technically my city is in the red zone because 8 months into the pandemic we're now introducing colour systems. We'll probably be in the red until well after Christmas I suspect with maybe a lock down afterwards. Oh the world is full of fun possibilities innit?

What this means for me is I'm back to working from home and stressing about if I am gonna get the coronavirus from the heightened cases of community spread. Yippee!

All jokes aside we're pretty lucky that the only thing we've sufffered from in our house is a case of boredom. I'm am happy to be officially missing out on the days of having to heat up my car before I go to work and bad weather is actually super nice when you don't have to go out in it.

So what have I been up to lately?

- My new favourite thing to do is to post up on our coach on weekend afternoons. I pull the tv out as far as I can on it's wallmount, get my weighted blanket, grab my knitting and a big cup of coffee and just watch movies or Netflix. Bonus points if it's snowing outside! Recently I've been watching the Queen's Gambit and last weekend I watched The Family Stone. 

- We've gotten some snow around here finally and I want to give some winter hiking a try! Hopefully the snow sticks around till this weekend and Jordan and I can try it out on a trail we're familiar with. I just think it will be so freaking beautiful!

-We got all of our Christmas shopping done! Woohoo!

- Our Christmas tree is up and it has really been contributing to my cozy, weekend rituals! I'm working on finding ways to keep Pete out of it. I've tried putting orange and lemon essential oils in a spray bottle with water and spraying it on the tree and that still hasn't stopped him. I'm gonna try putting orange peels in and around the tree and see if that works. He truly is a demon.

I'm so glad December is finally here. We've only got a few weeks left of work and then it's Christmas time! After new years Jordan and I are getting away to a little Airbnb and I'm super looking forward to that. We love getting away in the winter and extending Christmas break by a few days doesn't sound too bad either.

Hope you're finding ways to stay busy and sane out there pals!

From the desk of:

Taylor Brown
December Enthusiast 

Saturday, November 21, 2020

Pour Yourself a Cup of Ambition

Working 9-5 what a way to make a living- amiright!?

I bet Dolly Parton didn't image that working 9-5 would look like it does in 2020: working from home, wearing a mask in the office, massive buildings filled with empty cubicles. Ahh the apocalypse!

I know a lot of us put together some rag tag set ups when it came to a home office when all this went down.

Here's what I was working with:


Not awful- just not somewhere I was excited to sit down each morning.

Then we all thought it would be a good idea to order a desk at the same time and then all waited months and months to get them. I know it wasn't just me or I would have had my desk way before August- I tell yah that.

Regardless of how hard to get this desk played- when it did come it was worth the wait. 


Isn't it just so ding dang pretty?!

Now I get to sit at this dreamy little set up in my pajamas and take breaks for home made americanos and dream about never having to wear a blazer or pair of dress pants again. I'm really not too broken up about working from home if you can't tell.

The desk is from Structube and it's really great quality- can't complain there. What I can complain about it their backlog on shipping things out. They tend to sell things expected to be in stock in the future and then when that date comes and goes all you can do is wait. It's a bit frustrating but not the biggest problem we've had this year.

Here's to hoping for more days working from our safe, warm and happy homes and better days ahead.

From the (new) desk of:

Taylor Brown
Pajama Wearing Paper Pusher



Thursday, October 8, 2020

I'm Okay. You're Okay.



OYE!

(I think that pretty well sums things up).

This year though guys, I mean is it just me or has it been tough? Kidding, kidding.

I was talking the other night about how hard this year has been to adjust to. Since March (much like everyone else) I've gone through so many swings. At first things were scary but we were all convinced that it was all so temporary- I mean Jordan and I were in Florida when Trudeau told everyone to come home and we seriously considered "waiting it out." Oof.

Then there have been beautiful moments where everything feels okay and our focus on getting through the day makes you stop and admire the trees on your walks and how they look so strong, and resilient and climbable and you wish you could climb one now, or you spend afternoons in the kitchen baking and noticing how much you love the way that flour floats in a cloud around you after you clap your hands in front of your face (which you do often to invoke this tiny little joy).

But things change rapidly and just when I'm approaching a new normal, the world shifts again. 

We moved and had all of the stress and excitement of a new home. I went back to the office and my routine once again changed. Now the days are getting shorter and we're trying to fit in every socially distanced fire and fall evening walk we can before we're shut inside for six months of unchartered territory. 

Each time things change my adjustment period includes a lot of growing pains and a few glasses of wine but this year has shown us our capacity for adaptation and for joy and for gratitude.

Every damn day I (and the ones I love) have survived something trying to kill us. Nevertheless, we persist. 

So this post may not have much of a point but it's my way of saying I'm still here, you're still here. Take the walk, drink the glass of wine, cuddle with your pet, persist, persist, persist.

From the desk of:

Taylor Brown
Lifetime Survivor of Life 

Monday, September 28, 2020

Paint It Black

In the 9th grade I had a lot of feelings . I was completely struck by this new music that I had discovered. It was Taking Back Sunday, and The Used, and Panic! at the Disco , and Coheed and Cambria and I was completely sure that I was the only person who truly felt all of these deep feelings that I would one day feel in a studio apartment in New York City, probably smoking cigarettes out my window with my chipped black fingernails. I wore black on black to school every day, I listened to my walkman (yes, you read that right, my WALKMAN) as I travelled from class to class and I kid you not when someone asked me what I was listening to I told them "You've never heard of them." Man oh man!

That all eventually faded as I navigated into young adulthood and whatever you would call the stage I'm into now. It's held on through my continued love of punk and rock music (please insert rock and roll emoji hand here), my appreciation of a leather jacket (and biker boots if you've got 'em), and my adoration of all things Halloween. There's still a spooky emo girl inside me somewhere.

When it came time to move to our new house I couldn't get the idea of black statement walls or black french doors out of my head. I just wanted to paint it freaking black. 

It took a heck of a lot of convincing but I did eventually get Jordan to sway over to my side and agree to hand me a paint brush and let me go wild. It helped that we had painted a mantle and our wetbar black and Jordan really liked it (don't worry- I'll be showing you every inch of this house and all the things I goth-ed out but that's not for today).

I started with painting a statement wall in our bedroom black. It was honestly so fun to do! I made a playlist of all of my favourite emo songs from my youth and let the 14 year old me live her dreams henny! Now, again, that's a tour for another day.

Painting our bedroom wall black and doing a good job at it gave me free reign over the rest of the house with my charcoal dipped brush!

I had my eyes set on the back of our front door. That's right- the back! I've always wanted to infuse a space with a pop of colour on the back of a door- or, if you will, a pop of an absence of colour.

Here's what the back of the door looked like before:


Nothing horrible or awful- but was it helping my live out my wildest emo dreams? No no no.

And I present to you the door now:


Ain't she cute!?

And my apologies for the lighting on the door- yah girl is still learning her way around a camera and is having a heck of a time figuring out how to take pictures of walls with windows on them without bleaching out the window or covering the rest of the shot in complete darkeness. It's a process.

As consolation for the learning curve I will award you with one tour of my front entrance. I know you wanted to see them deets!


If you would have told me a year ago that I'd be sitting around thinking about a cute way to store our face mask collection I would have laughed in your face. 2020 is a trip my friends!

Previously I've never liked a house that was a split (to be honest we don't know how to define our house- side split? Front split? Raised something or other?) but I really haven't minded it with this house. The front door walks into a sizable landing and I've enjoyed decorating this little entrance of ours. The other bonus is that under the stairs is a crawl space which has been great for storing things we want to keep out of the way and organized in bins. I also enjoy the fact that the stairs are only a half flight because I've already fallen down a set. It was traumatic.

So there's the front entrance of our home. It has come a long way from it's wallpaper-ed beginnings and feels like a calm and beautiful introduction to our home. 

Can't wait to share more of our home with you- oh and more tales of my delusional adolescent thoughts- that's probably what you come here for too! 


From the desk of:

Taylor Brown
Feeler of Very Serious Feelings since 2005 








Friday, September 18, 2020

I Said Hey, What's Going On?

 

<<Just me cosplaying as the girl who works at the fashion magazine but doesn't take it seriously because she wants to write real stories about war-torn countries and starving children>>

Hey y'all!

Things have been b-u-s-y busy around here!

Our house is in a perpetual state of chaos because we're renovating. We got the house in June and had plans to have the whole place painted, torn up and put back together before we moved in in July but unfortunately our contractor broke his leg so we had to wait until mid-September for him. We were able to get all of the wallpaper taken down and the entire house painted before we did move in and that made a huge difference. We also changed all the light fixtures, had some pot lights installed and changed some other fixtures along the way. The kitchen is now getting the finishing touches today and the bathroom is completely demolished and should be finished within the next couple weeks. It's definitely been a process living amongst projects and renovations all this time but it's also been super fun. We really decided to go for it with this house. Our last house was an income property so when we did make any changes they all had to be neutral and with renters in mind. This house is all ours! That means I've finally been making the renovation decisions I've dreamed of (can you say blue kitchen!?) Don't worry I'll be showing you every last detail here. I'm just so dang smitten with it! 

Now that I'm back to blogging I'm so excited to share all of the things we've been up to around here. I started taking some pictures on my iphone of some of our upgrades and quickly realized that my iphone is just not up to snuff. Then I pulled out my canon and it didn't have a memory card (face palm). That's been the delay here. I've finally found my memory card and I'm going to work on getting some pictures taken this weekend. 

Things I'm hoping to share in the next little bit:

- Fireplace facelift (this one blew my mind)

- Upgrading our bar (how adult are we!? a bar!)

- Painting the wall in our bedroom black (hi, my 9th grade emo dreams came true)

- Painting the back of our front door (a long held dream of mine)

- Adding hanging plants to our dining room (Jordan has expressed hatred towards this but he is wrong)

- The kitchen remodel (oof this is going to be a big one)

-Eventually our bathroom remodel

- The honeycomb shelves I'm building (these have really stalled but I have every hope to work on those this weekend!)

There has been so much going on here lately and it's all be wonderful and hectic and busy as heck!

Can't wait to share it all!

From the desk of:

Taylor Brown
Joanna Gaines in Training 


Saturday, September 5, 2020

Books of 2019

Well, this is awkward, isn't it?

I mean I usually get this annual book review out in January and here we are in September...but I mean it hasn't really been a banner year for things going as planned now has it?

I'm gonna go ahead and give myself some grace. 9 months of grace to be exact. A gestation of grace, if you will- except at the end there ain't no baby here, just a (late) 20-something's small spark of literary joy. Did I take this metaphor too far?

Anywho!

This year was a good year for books. I found some new loves. Re-read some old loves and learned a heck of a lot in between.

So let's get to it, shall we?



1. White Oleander- Janet Finch

White Oleander is truly an old love. I first read this book in high school and this was probably my 4th or 5th re-read. It's just so dang beautiful. It's a fictional story about a girl (Astrid) who lives with her mother (Ingrid)- a woman she thinks is pure perfection. When Ingrid is scorned by one of her lovers she murders the man sending Astrid into the LA foster care system. Each home she stays in is like a completely different world that teaches and takes new and different things from Astrid.

This book is one of my absolute favourites and in my humble opinion, perfectly written. 10/10 will reach again (and again, and again).



This was probably my funnest read of the year. Nobody Cares is a book of essays and my favourite part of it was that it was written by a woman from my hometown, who even went to my highschool! (At different times than me though). Her essays are legitimately hilarious and incredibly relatable as a young adult just trying to figure it the eff out.

Of course the shining star of the book was her essay on my hometown. It gave me all the feels and was perfectly acturate. You don't need to be from Hespeler to love it though. it's genuinely a fun read!



3. Homebody- Joanna Gaines

I know this is a coffee table book but boy, did it have a lot of text. It therefore has earned the right to be on this list.

Of course this book was b-e-a-utiful, like everything by my lord and saviour, Joanna Gaines.

I'm pretty sure Jordan got completely annoyed with me every night when I would interupt his reading to show him a living room that he most definitely did not care about. I'm sorry but it was justsoprettydontyouthinkweshoulddothistoo? Nuff said.



4. Stranger in the Woods- Michael Finkle

Hi. This book was crazy. And true. And just flipping fascinating.

Stranger in the Woods is about Christopher Knight who at twenty years old left his home, family and friends and just became a hermit in the Maine wilderness for almost 30 years. Eventually people got sick of him stealing supplies from their cabins so he was arrested but he was such a hermit that it took years for people to even catch him and they didn't even find his camp until HE SHOWED IT TO THEM.

It was a really interesting read about solitude and the actual positive effects that silence and nature can have on your intelligence. I still spout facts from this book at people even though I'm almost 1000% sure I don't remember them all correctly and am probably misinforming people daily.



5. Survivor- Chuck Palahniuk

Ah, another re-read. I believe in reading at least one Chuck Palahniuk book a year thankyouverymuch.

I don't even need to know what Chuck's books are about to buy them any more. That's the honest truth. Therefore I'm not going to describe this one to you at all. Pick up a Chuck Palahniuk book, any one. He's fantastic.


6. Educated- Tara Westover

Oof this book was a good one. This biography by Tara Westover told about her upbringing in a fanatical religious family who didn't believe in healthcare or education and was convinced the end days were always coming. Her parents put her in so much danger during her childhood and as she grew older she had to leave them behind to pursue what she wanted: an education. She ended up going to Harvard and Cambridge University but eventually has to deal with her family's abusive ways.

It's inspiring and heartbreaking and I can't recommend it enough.



I was very excited to read this one. I'd heard about it on a podcast and was immediately pulled in. Christian was a white supremacist and wrote about his life, how he got to that point and how he eventually overcame that harmful ideology and left the white supremacist movement. 

As much as I applaud his change of heart and mind and courage to leave all that he knew behind, I also did not feel that he took very much responsibility throughout the book. He tended to gloss over the racist thoughts and actions, never really examining them. It felt like he was writing a book about himself and then occasionally mentioning that he may have beaten someone up that night because of the colour of their skin. It just kind of felt like it missed the mark and more than explaining why he thought what he did he kind of justified it and glossed over it. I give this book a solid "ehhh".




I love a good relationship advice book and have followed Jeremy and Audrey on social media for a while. I like their approach to pursuing an exceptional relationship and their commitment to being intentional with their significant other. 

This book was their telling of their love story and some of their tips for how they love and honour each other. I enjoyed reading this (it was a super easy and quick read) but I do have some differing views from them when it comes to religion so reading some parts was a bit cringy for me. If anything it was an interesting anthropological look at American Christian relationships and that's all I'll say about that.



This was another quick, easy read. I honestly don't have too much to say about this. It's an advice book and you take from it what you want. 



I'm a huge My Favourite Murder Fan. I've listened and (re-listened) to every episode, I've re-told people my favourite episodes (sometimes to their dismay) and taken almost any recommendation Karen and Georgia throw my way.

This book was probably my most anticipated read of 2019 and it did not disappoint. It was a co-authored autobiography so it delved more into Karen and Georgia's lives, how they grew up, how they got into true crime and where they came up with so many of their philosophies that have now become catchphrases and  slogans that murderinos say, wear, and press onto their bumpers in the form of vinyl decals.

I loved reading this and will probably read anything Karen and Georgia write from now until forever.




This was a super interested read. Caitlin Doughty went around the world examining other countries relationship with death. It was definitely cool to see from the point of view of a society that tries to sanitize and hide death at every turn. There's one community she visited that has a ritual of retrieving their dead from their crypts, cleaning them, dressing them and spending time with them. It's their way of taking care of their dead and being close to them. Super fascinating.

Also in case anyone asks I most definitely want to go to a body farm when I die (look it up- true crime and the funeral industry meet!)

This book was a bit dry though, I will admit. As interesting as it was it was just a tad slow. If you're looking to read something by Caitlin I highly recommend "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes." That one blew.my.mind and was just super entertaining.


Okay- if you don't know about David Goggins please go read a synopsis about him. He's basically the world's toughest man and he can make you feel like a big whiny quitter who can also do anything they put their mind to. He's equal parts terrifying and encouraging like that.

This book is his story of how he went from 300 pounds and giving up on life to deciding to become a navy seal and then an ultramarathon runner. He is the toughest person I have ever heard of. While I wouldn't reccomend following all of his methods (he basically ran a 100 mile race without any training and stress fractured his foot, peed blood, almost shut down his kidney and also completely crapped himself) he also has a lot of good lessons that will inspire you to just freaking do it. Worth a read!



This was a fun, beach read that I went through quickly. It's a mystery along the lines of "Girl on the Train." This book won't blow your mind in most respects and can be a bit predicable, or in other cases unbelievable, it is a nice little mindless read to have fun with.


Jordan and I are Curb Your Enthusiasm fans so this book was an automatic yes to me. Jeff Garlin wrote a book about trying to lose weight and become eco-friendly. He was also filming Curb at the time and included lots of behind the scene facts which I just ate up (pun intended).

It was an interested read and taught me a lot about Jeff Garlin that I didn't know. He wrote the book in real time like a diary so that was a fun format. It's most definitely not a diet book, more of a autobiography about his struggles. Good read if you like him.



This was probably my favourite read of the year. From the Ashes is Jesse's story of being native in Canada, dealing with a childhood of struggle and neglect, becoming homeless and addicted to drugs and eventually getting sober and getting a phD. 

I'm incredibly interest in indigenous stories in Canada and really enjoyed this book. He broke down his childhood of connecting with his culture through his grandparents, then losing that living amongst addiction, then becoming an addict himself and dealing with becoming what people had always suggested he would be based on racism. His story was very enlightening and really got into the psyche of what it's like to be a First Nations person in Southern Ontario. 



I didn't really pay much attention to Chelsea Handler until she came out with her first Netflix special "Chelsea Does..." I generally found her rude and entertaining but there was a spark of activism in there during the episode "Chelsea Does...racism". Then she began to get really into politics and activism and had her Netflix talkshow. She seemed to really be trying to learn, and to learn with us by bringing scientists onto the show and explaining American politics. It was cool to see her evolving and then making sure we learned with her.

This book is all about her transformation. How she started going to therapy and started to examine how the death of her brother had effected her when she was a child. It was cool to see her vulnerability. I like this book and felt like it could teach us all a lot about changing who we are if we don't like it anymore. 


Well folks! That's the whole kit and caboodle. Another year of books have been reviewed. Maybe I should start writing next years book review now so I can at least get it out mid-year this time! I'm on my 15th book this year so there will be even more to review next year.

Hope you stay reading, friends!

From the desk of:

Taylor Brown
Bibliophile

 

Thursday, September 3, 2020

Where Yah Been, Bitch?

 


It's been a ding dang minute.

I was thinking about this blog recently and wasn't sure if I would just leave it to sit in the ether or if I would write again, or just delete it all-together. To be honest, I was leaning toward delete.

Then on a whim today I deleted instagram and tik tok (I'm sorry- I know I'm "too old"for it but I really do love it) and for some reason I just wanted to write in my blog- to get back to documenting this hum-drum life of mine.

Lately I've been trying to connect with myself a little more- to re-establish some independence that I may have lost in the warm and secure nest of being with another person for over 10 years. No, we aren't breaking up- let's just call it an "I-turned-29-last-week-and-had-a-realization-that-I-don't-do-nearly-enough-of-the-things-I-actually-want-to-do" epiphany. I hated going for walks alone because I felt strange just heading out my door without going for a jog or at least having a final destination in mind. I have all of these ideas for what I want to do to our house and never end up doing them because I've convinced myself that I just can't. 29 is the year I'm saying to hell with that. I've been walking every day and I bought some black paint and painted the wall behind our bed black (don't worry- I'll write a blog post about it). I'm taking an online course on indigenous studies and even one on the science of happiness. I'm reading and learning about vegetarianism (yup, I'm a proud af vegetarian now) and anti-racism. These things make me feel happy- much happier than scrolling through instagram (even though I truly do get great ideas for interior decorating, or learn about minimalism, and vegetarianism, and being eco-friendly) or tik tok (even though it's just freaking fun to watch). 

2020 has been a literal shit show but I've also learned a lot this year. I actually found quite a bit of joi de vivre inside of quarantine, through going for walks and having free time and just enjoying simple, simple things. I'm grasping on to that more and more now that I'm back in the office and life is starting to seem more normal. 

I used to hear people say they were working on themselves and think it was such a strange idea- like how does one work on themselves? Just change the way you act- duh. But as I'm stumbling further and further into adulthood I'm realizing that I spend a hell of a lot of time working on myself and it's freaking hard to change and be better but I'm working on it. I'm going to therapy, and I'm reading and I'm reflecting on things and it's cool and awful and enlightening all at once. 

All of this to say- I'm working on being one of those people that I always wanted to be. I'm going to nourish myself with hobbies and interests and experiences. I'm going to create and learn and take in new information and experiences. So I'll be here. I still have my annual book review to complete (9 months too late but hey!). 

Hope you follow along and enjoy this new journey!

From the desk of:

Taylor Brown
The Comeback Kid 


Monday, January 13, 2020

Am I Just Rambling Or Speaking Complete Truth?


I chose the above picture because it's a pretty accurate depiction of where I am in my life right now. Things are very inbetween. I'm still taking selfies in the mirror, fawning over my hair and outfit choice, being photo-bombed by my cat. My laundry is over flowing but things are generally calm. I'm warm and happy in my home with my family. It's somewhere between calm and chaos. Somewhere between child and adult. Not young enough to see that laundry and not think about how I should go do that right dang now. Not old enough to know the true chaos of children, or even a dog. I like my low-maintenance and generally aloof cat thankyouverymuch.

I just spent some time scrolling through this blog, or navel-gazing if we're being honest (which is truly one of my favourite words), but I think a little (or a lot) of self introspection can be a good thing. We've just come to the end of a year (and a decade) and this is a time I really love taking stock of how things have been.

10 years ago Jordan and I had just started dating. We were children. We lived in completely different cities while I went to university and he worked. A decade later we've lived together for over 4 years, we own a cat together, we have changed jobs (and careers) multiple times and been around the world together. It's been a hell of a ride.

I can't help thinking about how easy things used to be back then, at least in retrospect. I saw some high school kids walking today and said how I wished I was a teen again. I remember feeling like it was so hard at the time but that was before bills and full time jobs and therapy sessions and all of the things that come with being an adult who is trying to just exist. I know that being a teen was an emotional roller coaster but weren't things just so much simpler then? You never had to worry about the big existential questions. You were more worried about whether someone liked you or not. Ah, what a time to be alive.

I do love the autonomy of adulthood though. We have the ability to make our own choices. Go where we please. Eat what we please. Stay out as late as we want and take the car as far as we want. It's a give/take situation that it's hard for me not to contemplate (maybe because of my current parking spot firmly on the in-between.) Back in high school there was nothing to think about, that's just the way it was. Now things are so in your hands that it can be a bit scary. Am I making the right decisions? Am I becoming the type of person I want to be? Am I doing the things I want? In general my answer is yes, but it can be a bit exhausting being the C-E-O of such things as your one and only precious life. I don't think people talk about that a lot.

We also don't talk about how wonderful it can be too.

I think we generally just put our heads down and do it.

But it's hard. And it's magical. It's everything in-between.

This next decade I'll be turning 30. It will probably be the decade where things change the most for me in my life and it's funny because we haven't quite decided how different or similar it will be. Will we have kids? Dogs? Trips to far off places? We don't even know yet.

So I guess I'll just sit in the excitement of that, instead of the fear of it because "if it's half as good as the half we've know here's hail! to the rest of the road."

From the desk of:
Taylor Brown
Shameless Navel-Gazer