<< Kurt Cobain: because when I think of 27, this is who I think of >>
Twenty-seven. Sounds kind of old doesn't? And also very young. I think about what my 15-year-old self would think about 27 and I think my 15-year-old self would say I was old when I hit 25. My 15-year-old-self didn't know very much about very much, though. Either does my 26-year-old self, to be honest.
These late twenties are a real weird time. I feel so very adult and so very young at the same time. I own a home with my boyfriend, I buy groceries every week, keep a cat alive, do yard work and think watering my plants is *relaxing* and have traded in house parties for cocktails and microbreweries. It all feels very adult.
And yet...
I still feel urges to spend all of my paychecks on makeup, and books, and new clothes, like I used to in highschool. I still think anything over $50 is a lot of money to spend at once. I still get freaked out thinking about having a car payment or the fact that if I wreck said car my parents won't be there to pick up the pieces (or the bill). I still can't imagine having a baby or getting married or even taking care of a dog. I still feel like an angsty teenager when people ask me about, or tell me I should get the dog or get married or have the kid.
I said last week that I don't feel like I'll ever truly feel like an adult until I have a kid...followed up with the answer "I've just haven't had the urge yet" to the question "Do you want kids?" Truly though, I just can't picture myself making that decision. It seems too big. Too adult. Totally huge.
I've been lucky to have never wanted to be any older than I am. A lot of our youth is spent wishing we were older but for me, I held on tight to my youth. It is a comforting thought to know there's so much more ahead than there is behind. So much you don't need to rush to. So much that can wait.
I still don't feel that rush, especially not to get closer to 30 than to 20 (whoops, I'm there). As a testament to my childish ways: the real reason I want to turn 27 is for birthday gifts. *Eternal child syndrome*
I never thought I would be the type of person who cared about getting older since I was never in any rush to. I didn't think I'd mourn the loss of my youth either, though. To be honest, it's starting to get real. I have permanent forehead wrinkles, y'all. Seriously, where did these dang creases come from?! But again, it's very unreal. All in my head, even if it is visibly, on my head.
Another year will come whether I like it or not so for now, I'm going to wear my Nirvana shirt like the angsty teenager I will always be inside and revel in my mixed moments of adulthood, and persistent childhood while I still can:
From the desk of:
Taylor Brown
I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman
