The Inevitable Breakdown

<< My general attitude conveyed through a facial expression >>

Today I had a little mini and mostly internal breakdown. At this point I've worked six out of the last seven days and the last three of those days I've worked two jobs. I feel like all I do is work and when I'm not working  I'm getting ready for work or traveling to work. I'm also finishing up my degree by taking one more pesky class. It's usually a breeze but I have a short paper due this week so I've been stressing about that as well. AND I have to travel an hour away to take the class once a week. 

Why am I telling you all of this? Am I looking for sympathy? Well…maybe a little. But mostly I'm here to talk about how sometimes, life is hard but that can be a good thing. 

I knew this day would come. I knew there would be a time when I was too busy, too stressed, too reliant on only myself and therefore would need to let myself have a mini breakdown. As I stood in the stock room at work today letting myself stress over how tired I was and how long it was going to take me to get home, where I'd inevitably need to go straight to bed, and how my paper wasn't even started and everything else…I felt the tears begin to well up but I didn't let them come.

Even on the verge of tears I took a second to remind myself: I wanted this. This is what I want. I want to work hard and take care of my bills on my own (and boy do I have a heck of a paycheque coming my way soon). I want to be independent and busy busy busy. So I took a second to be grateful for my life as it is, even with all it's silly little imperfections. 

Another thing I can be grateful for: an amazing best friend who I swear has some kind of sixth sense because she offered to pick me up from work tonight, on a night when I most definitely needed it. 

Life is still good, even when we just need to have a short and silent cry while standing over a box full of bras in a stock room.

From the desk of:

Taylor Brown

Feeler of all of the Feelings

Tricks of the Trade

As your Early Career Spirit Guide (as I've just decided to call myself) I'm here to pave the way for your success. I am here to figure things out for YOU! No need to thank me, I do it all for my country...or you know, something heroic like that.

ANYWAYS...enough about me, let's talk about my newest discovery of productivity. I work from home, which means that the worlds of work and relaxation can get blurred for me. I find that I'm pretty good about being able to switch my work on and off but that also means that when I start working in the morning there are no cues for me about where I left off because everything just seems like my home to me. When you work at an office you can walk in, see your desk with all of your papers strewn out and think "oh yes, that's where I left off." For me, I'm just looking at my bedroom.

My problem was that I would get to the end of the day and think "I can get that done tomorrow." By the time that tomorrow came around I had already forgotten what I had planned on doing. To solve this problem I came up with a simple solution: at the end of each day I open a new page in my notebook, write tomorrow's date at the top and begin a to-do list for the next day. It's a simple idea that has gone a long way.

There's nothing worse than remembering you needed to do something the moment that someone is looking for it! This has also made me more productive. Instead of spending the morning trying to remember what I was going to do or planning out my day, it's already been planned out for me.

Moral of the story: always, always, always write down a to do list for yourself. Your memory will fail you but the ink on the paper will not.

From the desk of:

Taylor Brown
Self-Appointed Early Career Spirit Guide

Bossy Pants

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Being a boss to someone is a very foreign idea to me. I've always been someone who was at the bottom of the working food chain. Now in my role as an Associate Editor I have interns working under me. While it's great to have moved up from being an intern myself to actually being the person who has more responsibility and knowledge, it also means that there is more left on your shoulders.

The truth is that while having more responsibility means getting more rewards, it also can be scary and stressful. There are a few things that you should remember when you're expected to manage others:

1. Their mistakes are your mistakes
    When the people you are responsible for miss things it's your responsibility to be right behind them fixing them. Now, that doesn't mean that you can't rely on them to get things done, but you need to be able to train them well enough that you can expect a high quality of work out of them. You need to be a great teacher and a great mentor because if you aren't there to help them then you can't fault them for making mistakes and those mistakes don't reflect on them, they reflect on you.

2. You need to be available to your people
    Remember when you could just glide through your work days without being bothered? Well now you need to spend your time getting your work done and managing others. This includes helping them when they have questions, teaching them things and staying on top of them to make sure that you're getting deadlines met. Luckily for me, I really enjoy teaching and mentoring. It's very rewarding and once you teach them things it takes a load off of you!

3. You need to pick up their slack
    Guess what, if the person who works for you doesn't deliver then your deadline doesn't change. You still need to get your product in on time so that can mean doing the persons work for them. Of course, this isn't ideal and doesn't show signs of a good employee but guess what, the person you work for won't want to hear excuses as to why something isn't done. You still have someone to answer to so when worst comes to worse you'll need to pick up the slack.

4. You need to be their friend, but also their boss
    Okay, so not everyone will feel the need to stress the friendship part but let's face it, I'm no CEO, I really have no need to spend my time worrying about my work/personal life divide. I have no problem with being friendly with my co-workers. I also work from home, as do all of my other co-workers, so we really don't have to worry about crossing any boundaries. The point is that you should make your employee feel comfortable with you but remember that they work for you. You need to be able to reprimand them if needed or tell them if their work isn't up to par.

5. Don't be afraid to get anyone in trouble
    If your employee isn't working out for you and you can't seem to get across to them then you need to tell the next person up from you. Sure, you may be worried about getting them fired and that feeling is understandable but if they don't deliver then you can't deliver and their work will affect your work.

Most of all, you should enjoy the added responsibility. It means you're doing something right!

From the desk of:

Taylor Brown
Semi-Responsible, Still Low on the Food Chain

The Struggle

I'm facing an internal struggle these days between wanting to do absolutely nothing and wanting to work hard and give all of my responsibilities the attention they deserve. I try to inspire myself by learning about other people's success stories. I really enjoy hearing about how people were just like me once and through hard work and a passion for their dreams, were able to achieve everything they hoped, and more. But then after that...I just want to lie on the couch and waste the night away. It's quite the predicament.

I just don't always know how to motivate myself. I want to work a lot and make lots of money, but I also want to be able to have lots of free time so that I can go for a jog or just watch Netflix in bed. I want to spend my night going above and beyond, working extra hours for my editorial job so that I can make sure all the i's are dotted and t's are crossed...but the next thing I know it's 11pm and I'm still on tumblr, mindlessly scrolling until my brain turns to goo.

I've found a few ways to make myself mix my work into my free time:
- Put one of your favourite movies on in the background so you can get work done while watching something you'll enjoy but won't need to pay too much attention to
- Listen to some happy songs. This one, this one and this one are my recent favourites!
- Take breaks (hey, it's your free time)
- Work near a friend so you can chit chat and pretend you're being social...but really, you're working
- Use it as an excuse to drink more coffee (mmm coffee)

It's not always easy to see the point in all the work when your goals get muddled by the drab and dreary details of everyday life but there's nothing better than working hard and being recognized for it. Mediocrity is for the lazy!

From the desk of:

Taylor Brown
Coffee Enthusiast, Hard Worker with a Bad Case of Procrastinatia (I made that disease up...so what!?)

Life Around the Apartment

I've decided that it would be fun to document little snippits of life around the apartment. There are so many tiny details I love about my home and being able to notice them is something that I don't want to lose.

Our apartment is always changing. People are coming in and out, we're moving things around, adding things, messing things up, cleaning them up. It's nice to have a busy home. We're always coming and going and it's fun to always have a friend near. I love sitting in the kitchen and hearing someone climb the stairs to the apartment and never knowing which one of my roommates it is. Then we get to catch up.

I think this is a good way to capture all of these changes and I hope to make this a series of posts. So without further adeau:

<< I moved my room around. I'm a sucker for making changes. It always just feels so fresh >>

<< I have three books currently on the go, which I hate doing! But I am enjoying all of my new Halloween movies...and 10 Thing I Hate About You (So good) >>

<< We're a house of rain boot lovers >>

<< Even though our sunflowers are dying I can't throw them away. They're still pretty to me! >>

 << Caramel and Candy Apples. It's Happening. This Weekend. Boom. >>

 << Handmade and it always makes me happy >>

<< Iced tea in the afternoon >>

Hope you enjoyed your first look at life around the apartment. I'm excited to share more in the future!

From the desk of:

Taylor Brown

Home Body, Fall Lover, Future Candy/Carmel Apple Eater

Making Your Own Traditions

Every year you and your family probably have traditions that you do. Whether you like to carve pumpkins on Halloween or decorate your Christmas tree together on the day after Thanksgiving, every family has some sort of tradition that they come back to every year.

Eventually, you'll need to make your own traditions. You have to start moving away from that little family unit that you've always known and start making your own life.

This year I participated in a few traditions of my own. Fall is by far my favourite holiday and so if I get the chance to partake in any autumn activities then I'm definitely a happy camper. One tradition that I started with my friends has been to go apple picking. I don't always go with the same people and I haven't exactly gone every year but it's been something that I do with my friends and something that really brings in Fall to me.

Some other Fall traditions that you could start with your friends:
- Pumpkin picking and carving
- Making Candied and Carmel Apples
- Scary movie marathons
- A night where you make your Halloween costumes
- Baking nights (pumpkin seeds anyone?)
- An annual Halloween party

There are tons of things that you can do each season to start your own traditions. The best thing is that now you get to choose the traditions instead of having someone choose them for you! So go forth and start enjoying the season!

From the desk of:

Taylor Brown
Autumn Enthusiast

I'm About to Get All Pep-Talky On You

We make tons of decisions every day. Most of them small, but sometimes they can be pretty big and sometimes we make the wrong ones. When we make them at work or at school they usually have an effect on our lives so it's important that we pay attention. By the time that we get home at the end of the day we're usually so exhausted by our own decision making that wish someone would just step in and drive us on auto-pilot until bedtime.

Our auto-response becomes "I don't care." Sometimes you really don't care...so you try to pass the buck onto someone else. You won't decide what movie to go see, which restaurant to eat at, which show to watch....you won't decide anything. 

Here's an idea...try caring. Try speaking up. Try making a decision. 

You ask people to choose for you but why can't we choose for ourselves? From now on I don't care is coming out of my vocabulary. I do care...or at least I should and the more that I do the more I'll get the things I want from this world.

And that my friends is your mid-week dose of inspiration. 

From the desk of:

Taylor Brown

Person who Cares and Person Who Shares About How they Care

Stopping to Smell the Roses

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If Ferris Bueller taught us anything, it's that sometimes we need to throw our responsibilities out the window and just enjoy the moment.

I feel like since I've started working in Toronto I haven't really gotten a chance to stop and smell the roses. My first week living here I had a week before I started my new job and it was one of the best ways for me to get acquainted with my new city. I was able to explore, hang out with friends and really introduce myself to my new life. Since then I've been go go go and haven't been able to enjoy living somewhere that I've always dreamed of.

Here are some "dates" I want to take myself on with my city:
- Early Saturday morning trip to the St. Lawrence Market
- Aimless wandering through the streets so I can start really knowing where I'm going downtown
- Thrift store hunting
- Finding all of the record stores in the city
- Exploring and enjoying the small parks that are scattered throughout the city

I'm sure there's more I can do but I can't think of any just yet. I want to be able to get to know the city without having to spent too much money. Maybe I'll do a little more research too!

So here's to exploring, enjoying and also...Ferris Bueller (he was a pretty cool guy).

From the desk of:

Taylor Brown
Work Horse, City Slicka, John Hughes Fan

Hard Work

*My corner office...as in the corner of my bedroom*

Hard work is...well, hard but it's also necessary. This past week I feel like I've been going non-stop and things don't show any signs of slowing down until Sunday. I have two jobs and am taking one class right now so this kind of hectic schedule is to be expected. As much as I may feel bad for myself in my head, I actually really enjoy it.

Okay, so having a part-time retail job on top of your day job and taking one class because you somehow didn't take the only required course of your fourth year and therefore couldn't graduate on time and were stuck taking it in the fall definitely isn't ideal but there are other things that I love about my life right now. I am able to say that I am taking care of myself. I make all of my own money, I pay all of my own bills and I do it all by myself. That was definitely something that I couldn't say before and I never realized it until now but it was something that I was severely missing in my life.

I feel like I've become more of the person I knew I was by being able to be on my own. (yeah..I know that sounds corny, but it's true). I was letting my mom and stepdad take care of me more than most of the people my age could say. I paid zero bills when I lived at home...like not even my cell phone and near the end of moving out, when my parents knew I was saving up, I didn't even pay for gas. Yeah it was a sweet deal but I couldn't say I was proud of how I was living my life, but now I can.

Last night I worked at my retail job from 5pm until 1am. I was doing a visual shift which means that we basically have to rearrange everything in the store. It's generally not a very fun process and working late into the night doesn't make it much better. I wasn't even supposed to work until 1am but they asked me to stay later. Even though I worked my other job at 9am the next morning, and knew I'd be dead today, I said yes. When I finally got home, showered and crawled into bed my back was aching, my feet were throbbing and I was beyond tired but I was happy because I knew that I had worked hard and earned my keep.

The other best thing about my hard work? Getting paid! Before I moved out I was so worried about covering the bills and now I am able to do so and have a little extra for myself. In my opinion, I've got everything I need. Who needs anything else?

From the desk of Taylor Brown
Over-worked, Over-Tired, Over-Impressed by her own Independence

Healthy Eating without Breaking the Bank

In my last post I talked about working out but the importance of working out pales in comparison to the importance of eating well. Unfortunately, I find eating well so much harder than getting my butt off the couch but when I'm really dedicating myself to both, it becomes like second nature and I just feel so.much.better.

The problem most people have is that they think that healthy food is unaffordable. I see that as an excuse. I also think it's a lie. What I can get at the grocery store for $10 feeds me so much longer than what I get in the food court.

The other night I watched the documentary Hungry for Change. It's an amazing documentary about the diet and health industry. It really opened my eyes about what eating processed foods can do to your body. Now, I'm definitely not on my way to banishing chocolate forever but it does make me want to make healthier choices...and to NEVER drink diet soda again.

I wasn't even done the documentary when I started making a grocery list. Immediately after it was done I ran to the grocery store. I stayed mostly in the produce isle and I got:
- 2 apples
- 1 box of strawberries
- 3 bananas
- 1 bundle of celery
- A huge container of flax seed
- 2 lettuce hearts
- Becel made with olive oil
- Greek feta olive oil dressing
- A carton of fruit and vegetable juice

And I got it all for $24.00. That's about one meal out at a restaurant or two meals at a fast food place. This is going to provide me with snacks, breakfast and smoothies for days.

The point of all of this is that I believe that eating healthy is possible, even on a budget. Sure, you could get 20 boxes of Kraft dinner for 24 dollars but is that something you really want? I think the biggest reason that eating healthy is more expensive is because you get to live longer. And think of how much money you could spend on food by tacking those extra years on your life. Soooo inconvenient.

Eating healthy is hard. I know from experience. Every day when I stare at my fridge I have an internal struggle between grabbing the closest substance made out of chocolate or grabbing some fruit, but eating healthier makes you feel better, and more productive. When you fuel your body you give it something to run on and can actually have the energy to workout and get your work done during the day.

Trust me, you'll never regret a healthy meal, only an unhealthy one.

From the desk of:

Taylor Brown
Choco-holic, Aspartame-aphobic

Thinking Money-Wise and Health-Wise

Sometimes you have to make sacrifices in order to be responsible. A big sacrifice for me has been giving up my gym membership. I wouldn't call myself a gym rat or anything like that but I did take comfort in the fact that I had an entire gym at my disposal whenever I wanted it. Now I don't have that to fall back on. If I want to workout I have to get creative.

The reason I chose to forgo the gym membership was purely for financial reasons. I didn't want to pay for a membership when I still wasn't sure if I could even cover all my bills. Also, a gym membership is a luxury.

Now I've had to rely on myself to get my workouts in and it has been interesting. Here are some ways to save money by forgoing the membership but am still be able to get those good workouts in:

1. Use nature as your gym
    I love to jog outside- so much so that I didn't always get my money's worth at my gym because I would go for a nice long jog instead. There are so many great trails and different routes that you can take that will help you avoid the bored feeling you get while running on a treadmill. You can also use parks to do yoga, find stairs to run in your neighbourhood and do interval and hill workouts anywhere.

2. Find a friend for motivation
    A workout buddy is one of my go-to solutions for getting off my butt. When you have someone to help push you out the door, it becomes a whole lot easier to get those workouts in. They also push you to work harder.

3. Invest in a couple of workout videos
    The biggest downfall of not having a gym is being limited by the weather. If it's raining, snowing, or icy you're probably not going to be able to go for an enjoyable jog. Instead of letting your motivation go to waste pop in a workout dvd. Jillian Michaels has a bunch of amazing ones. Check out her 30 Day Shred DVD. So good!

4. Have fun with it
    Have you ever seen those workout challenges online that correspond to certain movies? I know there are some for movies like Twilight and there are some for different tv shows as well. Each time someone does something you do 10 crunches, 50 pushups, and things like that. This way you can watch a movie while working out!

5. Create workout challenges with your friends
    There are tons of different challenges out there. There are squat challenges, crunch challenges, pushup challenges...you name it! Make it a competition with a friend. Try having each of you put 5 dollars in a jar and say that the first person to skip a day owes the other person 5 dollars. You'll get your workout in and possibly win 5 bucks!

The best way to make sure that you keep working out is to change it up. Keep it fun and interesting and there's no reason you'll ever need to pay for a gym again.

From the desk of:

Taylor Brown
Jogging Enthusiast, User of Nature's Gym